Saturday, August 10, 2013

Rating Roman Emperors Part 3 - Numbers 41 to 60

Some more ratings of Emperors - this time from 41 to 60...

Quintillus to Constans I

41) Quintillus – the One Who Got in Aurelian’s Way. 

Claudius’ brother, acclaimed by the Senate and soon dead. Little known about him. 

Achievement ** Legend *

42) Aurelian – the One Who Reunified the Empire. 

Brilliant soldier with incredible record of military achievement. Better soldier than politician, but what an incredible soldier. Was ahead of the curve in some respects by promoting himself as the Sun God. Shockingly pointless assassination – the Romans went from killing bad Emperors, to mediocre ones, to good ones… and now great ones. Unbelievable. His personality lacks a little colour. 

Achievement ***** Legend ***1/2

43) Tacitus – the One Who Isn’t the Tacitus. 

The last emperor elected by the Senate (no one wanted the job for fear of being blamed for Aurelian’s death), avenged Aurelian, won a few battles then died, possibly by assassination. 

Achievement **1/2 Legend **

44) Florian – the One Who Was Tacitus' Brother

Tacitus’ brother who stupidly tried to be emperor. Little known about him, only lasted a few months before being killed by his own troops. 

Ability * Legend *

45) Probus – the One Killed by His Troops for Making Them Dig Ditches. 

Aurelian II. A highly competent emperor,  very skillful and successful who helped bring an end to the Crisis of the Third Century. Stupidly assassinated. Like Aurelian, his personality could have been fleshed out a bit more.

Ability **** Legend ***

46) Carus – the One Struck By Lightning

Started reclaiming the empire, and technically reunited it. Very short reign but gets points for dying so interestingly. 

Ability *** Legend ***

47) Numerian – the One who Rotted in His Tent. 

Ruled short period of time. Aper ruled in his stead until they smelt Numerian’s rotting corpse. Little reliable is known about him but at least his death was novel.

Ability ** Legend **1/2

48) Carinus – the One Who Got in Diocletian’s Way. 

Son of Carus so didn’t particularly deserve to be Emperor. Nonetheless almost beat Diocleatian until killed by own troops. Has a bad rep but that is probably propaganda. 

Ability **1/2 Legend **1/2

49) Diocletian – the One Who Actually Retired. 

Probably ranks with Augustus as the most influential Emperor because so much of what he set in motion lasted for so long. But so much of that was dumb – divine right of kings, controlling guilds (where you had to do what your dad did and live where he lived forever), the creation of dioceses, persecuting Christians, increasing taxes and the size of the public service, ignoring Mexmentius and Constantine’s blood claims, and micromanaging. He ruled a long time and was smart and did some good things but so many of his ideas were stupid and displayed as astonishing lack of knowledge about human nature – why did he ever think the tetrarchy would work long term? Micromanaging and over taxing the locals? Treating everyone in the Empire the same when the secret to its success was adaptability? How damaging was he? Well the west fell a hundred years after him but the east went on another thousand years… Personally I think he did far, far more damage than good – the oppressive middle ages owes a lot to this guy. Still, he was a colourful and interesting leader and is long reign comes as a relief after so many short termers.

Achievement *** Legend ****

50) Maximian – the One Who Couldn’t Give it Up. 

Good soldier and decent sidekick to Diocletian but not much of a politician. Like most of them couldn’t give up power but managed to do it for Diocletian… for a bit. Kept going back to power, his son turned against him, so did Diocletian, led a crappy revolt against Constantine (“hey lets pretend that Constantine is dead”) and was forced to kill himself. A good 2-I-C promoted above his ability. 

Ability **1/2 Legend **

51) Contantinus 1 – the One Who Reconquered Britain. 

Father of Constantine the Great he is also well known for not persecuting Christians. An entirely capable, competent ruler who might have avoided civil war had he lived longer. 

Achievement **** Legend ***

52) Galerius – the One Who Diocletian Reportedly Made Walk Alongside in a Chariot. 

A bit of a super villain, Galerius always seemed to be up to something shady, like killing Christians, keeping Constantine hostage and being outwitted by going drunk, appointing his cronies to absolute power, killing Italians for spite, causing trouble. He died in agonizing pain, an emperor who wasn’t a tyrant but who made the Empire worse. 

Achievement ** Legend **

53) Severus II – the One Who Was Killed by Another Emperor After Agreeing to Surrender. 

One of the tetrarchy who got the gig as co emperor through being Galerius’ friend. Agreed to surrender to Maxentius who killed him, the vicious little turd. 

Achievement ** Legend **

54) Constantine I – The First Christian One. 

An impressive man, and was so from the beginning. A career full of great stories: escaping from Galerius’ clutches, the vision at the Battle of the Milvian Bridge, killing his son and his wife (the latter in a steam bath), founding Constantinople, getting baptized on his death bed.  A person of tremendous ability but he caused civil war, left the Empire ripe for civil war, started a useless war against the Persians. 

Ability ***1/2 Legend ****

55) Maxentius – the One Who Misinterpreted the Soothsayers about the Battle of Milvian bridge. 

Son of Maximian who only got the gig because he was Diocletian’s bitch, nonetheless Maxentius thought absolute power was his by right. Had a long run at the top, even turning against his own father. Lost the Battle of Milvian Bridge. I hated this guy.

Ability **1/2 Legend **

56) Maximinus II – The Last One to Persecute Christians. 

Tough Emperor out west who hated Christians and tried to keep the persecution of them going after Diocletian died. Apparently a big boozer who liked to rape virgins but this may be propaganda. Knocked over by Licinius. 

Ability ** Legend **1/2

57) Licinius I – The One Who Agreed to Have his Co-Emperor Killed as Part of a Peace Treaty. 

The last one knocked off by Constantius. Promoted a co–emperor who he agreed to have killed as part of a peace treay. At first spared but later killed. 

Ability **1/2 Legend **1/2.

58) Constantine II – the One Who Was like Fredo. 

I owe that description to Mike Duncan. One of the sons of Constantine who was a bit of an idiot.

Ability ** Legend ** 

59) Constantinus II - the Super-Paranoid One Who Wasn’t That Bad. 

Killed many in his family but when push comes to shove put the Empire first and didn’t do that bad a job. To be fair, everyone he thought wanted to kill him probably did want to kill him. Despite having a “sequel name” he’s lived on as chief villain in the story of Julian – which isn’t that bad a way to be remembered. 

Ability *** Legend ***

60) Constans I – The One Killed for Being Gay. 

A reasonably successful Emperor he put off his bodyguard through cruelties and his behaviour. They eventually killed him. 

Ability ** Legend **1/2

For other emperors, see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 4.

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